We have been talking about the Missing Jewish Middle, how many Jews are born into Jewish life, boys getting brisses, girls getting Hebrew names, likely both getting Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, and that these individuals will take steps to see that they are buried as Jews: "I was born a Jew and I'll di a Jew!" This is an oft-heard mantra. But what about living as a Jew!? What about the middle, between birth and death? What about the Missing Jewish Middle? Why do Jews fail to engage with covenantal Jewish life?
One of the biggest disincentives to Jews embracing Jewish life is their experience with “The Mitzvah Police.” The Mitzvah Police are individuals or groups that swoop down on people whom they judge to be guilty of the following “sins:”
I have seen the Mitzvah Police at work in my own synagogue. Shaming a woman who comes in with a dress deemed inappropriate for the occasion, sharply correcting someone who carelessly places a siddur, a prayer book, on the floor (which Jews do not do). The Mitzvah Police mean well, but meaning well means nothing if one does not treat people with kindness and respect. And that is the crux of what is wrong about the Mitzvah Police: in their zeal for doing the right thing at the right time in the right way they routinely embarrass those whom they catch in an infraction, often feeling righteous and faithful for having done so. And this is a great sin.
Indeed, in Jewish life, the greatest social sin one can commit is halvanat panim, literally “whitening of the face,” taken to mean “embarrassing someone in public.” One of the biggest no-no’s I convey to people whom influence is this: “In your zeal for halachic correctness never embarrass someone.” Never.
A famous story about the saintly Rabbi Akiva Eiger illustrates this Jewish passion to avoid embarrassing someone in public.
Rabbi Eiger would always have many people to eat at his home on Shabbat and holidays.
During one Passover Seder, while Rabbi Akiva and his guests were seated at the table and speaking of the exodus from Egypt, the hand of one of guests accidentally hit a glass of wine. The glass tipped over and the wine spilled on the clean white tablecloth. In order that his guest not be embarrassed, Rabbi Akiva rattled the table to make the glass in front of him spill over. He then said, “I have the feeling that this table is wobbly.”
So what is the lesson here? Simple. If you are going to be fanatical about a mitzvah, be fanatical about the mitzvah to not embarrass someone. Why? Because you don’t want to prevent someone from turning to or returning to Jewish life because you were wearing your Mitzvah Police uniform that day.
Thank you Rabbi. One of my big concerns about living in the covenant is to be judged or ridiculed by others for making an error, more likely many errors . I am not living observently now for several reasons but your little article struck a chord in me. I would love to know someone like Rabbi Akiva.
As a former member of the D.F.C.M.P. (Dept Of Correct Mitzvah Performance) and a reformed Mitzvah Cop myself I say todah rabbah. Often times during my time with Chabad doing outreach, we used to say that ba'alei teshuvot is that they tend to be more frum then the Rabbi. I have learned over time, and from a gentle and funny old Rabbi in Jerusalem that the Best way to do a mitzvah is with joy! L'chaim!
@Robert, I hear your concern. Where I'm coming from is newly observant being judged for saying kriat Shema to late in the day, forgetting to wash the hands before eating bread, or accidently forgetting to remove objects from pants pockets and walking to shul with them. I have also seen in M.J. (know I'm coming from observations made well over 10 years ago lol) people being raked over the coals for simple and rather silly things. Most of the time these Self proclaimed " mitzvah cops" or as they say in Christianity "fruit inspectors" are NOT Jewish. But for some reason think they have flex there muscles to somehow feel validated in their own observance. Often to the detriment of Jewish people who have little to no Jewish education or upbringing. Baruch HaShem things are rapidly changing, and the pendulum is swibeing in a different direction now. Don't let others judgements or baseless opinions keep you from covenantal Torah life as a Jew. Kol Tuv, all the Best!